SPONSORS

It has been a decade since i last blogged, i had sworn off social media and finally got a new hobby, gossiping, i found it more soothing than blogging. In gossip i had immediate feedback, i got more info concerning the other party.....the list as to why gossip is much better is endless. It is true what they say though, a persons first love never dies and mines blogging.

So here is the latest.... i hit a boda boda guy with my car last evening as i was driving home from work, it was a nasty scene, the guys motorbike was trapped under the car and i was sure i had just committed man slaughter. I was so shaken up by the whole incident that by by the time i was getting home i had to share it with someone, being the dumb bitch iam, i presumed facebook would lend a caring ear....i know!! thats why i just called my self a dumb bitch, but in my defense i was hoping to get someone with a similar experience. It helps to know you are not the only one....maybe we could start a group "boda boda killers anonymous".Anyway i got sympathetic messages till one HE-GOAT decided to offer his valuable input "kate naona sponsor aliamua kukuachia gari.." i decided to give the he-goat the most decent reply i could "mwangi iam a working class woman that can comfortably afford to own a car masponsor pelekea watu wa kwenu" to which he replies "hiyo kazi ya filing hapo kisii university ndiyo unaafford gari...usitudanganye kate" to which i instantly blocked the bitch ass nigga. Sure i don't exactly love my job, being an exam officer involves a lot of filing but we have clerks for that, my issue??  I could not believe i was being accused of trading sex for money by a guy that hardly knew me past Facebook! For crying out loud i drive a very old car....a gift from my 5 year boyfriend (dude i have mastered every single pimple on that mans face!!) How i manage to get it to start every time is Gods doing! i think iam a certified mechanic by now....and yet here i was being called a sugar baby! a whore! what kind of cheap whore would that make me? watu wananuliwa Range Rovers and Iam here sucking dick for a corolla 110

It got me thinking, whats the point of being a good girl if whenever i do good for myself or my Man does me a favor people automatically assume i have a sponsor behind the picture bankrolling my cheap lifestyle? Why not just  say Yes to the Numerous advances i have previously assumed and make my life awesome? Some Men are always going to have a problem with women that get any kind of favour from richmen, rich boyfriends, rich sugar daddies you name them....irregardless of what you did to receive them, what am saying is there is no harm in a woman choosing to date for money. These are two consenting adults that clearly understand the terms of their relationship, who are you to judge them? because they sin differently? Take a chill pill bruv

Ladies, so you don't date for money, you still have the same big ass dick fucking you every night for free...why not make money out of it? why not benefit? don't get it twisted sweetheart, iam not advocating for prostitution, that is  sex for money....what iam saying is... DATE FOR MONEY if you can! Buy a fucking car, build a house, take vacations every fucking month and do all that with your head held high. because honey, the same gadget you have between your legs is the same gadget Vera sidika and huddah monroe have between theirs, and men will always hate whether you are doing right or wrong! Just stay safe and don't be a slut bouncing from one dick to another.

Think about it.

Cheating Defined

There is a lot of noise out there on what cheating really is!  According to me its more of a gray area not so much black and white as most of you would like to think...so I personally came up with this list that I consider the best thing to ever happen to man kind since the invention of penicillin. This here, will be the savior of many modern day relationships. Here goes...

Its not cheating if its girl on girl... so you walk in on your girl getting feisty with her best friend, she is not cheating!! She is exploring her adventurous side!! You should thank the heavens you have such a freak by your side ...imagine all the threesomes you could possibly have?! I mean its a simple case of pure applied mathematics...if your girl has a girl you got two girls unless of cos you are a sissy! My advice, if you are gonna get mad , punish her with your dick game...show her who's boss that way!! The same rules don't apply to Men though... that shit gay!!

Its not cheating if you don't have an orgasm...this one is a bit more complicated. I expect only the grown ups to understand this concept... so you get drunk on some cheap booze and start misbehaving with the cutest mafaka in the room...he gets all handsy on you and it feels so damn good you don't wanna ask him to stop ...Infact YOU don't want him to stop,...he slowly slides his hand up your dress and bam!!! Hits the spot! You are wondering how can he be so good? What kind of sorcery is this? He is going to ruin you for every other man and yourself if he makes you come....your body is shaking, you are about to let go and cum real hard for this cute ass mafaka ...DON'T!! Stop him right there coz if you cum you are a cheating little biatch! The general rule is, only your man should own your orgasms so its not cheating if you did not cum!! There is no difference between that and sitting on a vibrating motorbike! It might feel good to some, but you are not gonna be all sexual about it!!

Kissing is not cheating... this is simple, just assume you live in Italy or France where people greet each other with kisses! Mwah!! Its just a kiss... don't get all emotionally tangled in it though. The problem with the human race is that they have to attach feelings to every single gesture. If it feels good just flow with it... be physical not emotional, that's how men get a free pass when they cheat!

By now 70 percent of you are calling me names. It should be noted though that I am in a very happy monogamous relationship!! Consider me a mouth piece to the 80% of the population that considers monogamy the worst calamity to ever hit the human race since the Noah floods. I still believe there should be a few boundaries though... call it a few reservations...rules are necessary after all...

It is cheating if you fall in Love...the moment you fall in love with your side piece its only fair you break up with your main coz there is no bigger form of betrayal!! Love no other...and again I say, ITS HOW MEN GET A FREE PASS . They love the one they are with and have fun with the easiest girl in the room.

Its cheating if his Member touches your coochie ...yup!! Even if its just the head and you suddenly get this epiphany of realization and yell ,"Stop! I can't do this! I love my man!" You are still a lying cheating whore!! Am sorry boo boo ...go repent!

Masturbation...yep I just used the big M word! Its cheating if you make yourself cum! Unless of cos you are in the presence of your man or you are trying to understand your body so you can teach him how to please you. But if its all for pure pleasure... you are cheating with yourself! Woooow... Wanna know why? You are gonna be all satisfied when he comes on to you later...you are gonna fake some headache or stomachache! ...Sounds like the behavior of a cheating woman to me ...

And finally....

Its cheating if its oral..., because it feels too damn good not to be.Am out bitches!!

Xoxo
Lil Miss Katie.

For a day

What is the most important thing in life ? The one thing without which the allure of life is lost? Some say money others say power and a few romantics will say Love... but Freedom I think, is the most valuable of all things, the freedom to say NO, the freedom to say YES, the freedom to forgive and the freedom to hold on to that which hurts the soul if you so wish. The freedom to choose what feels right and the freedom to choose happiness even if it is just but a short lived feeling!

I wish for nothing more in this life of mine but sweet sweet dear Freedom, to do with my life whatever I will. To run free and wild oblivious to society's expectations, to love however I see fit and whomever my heart chooses for the day without being labelled, to say Yes to more without being called greedy and to Say No without the fear of hurting his/her feelings . I simply crave a little freedom from it all...even if its just for a day.

Fifty shades of Grey

I just got to chapter 11 of fifty shades of grey and....lord Jesus! Jeso! Holy shit, is it hot in here? Phew!! Anyway, *fanning myself* am definitely a little bit excited by all the ravishing...the alpha male domineering, oh and the countless orgasms ooooh* what is it I wanted to write about again? ....oh yeah, the money concept!! But first, the depression that comes with reading the romantic rendezvous of Ana and Mr. Grey! How can one one woman be so lucky , every woman dreams of a perfect 'first time' with a bed full of rose petals, candles, endless big O's and yes, that dashing mr. Right to top up the fantasy. Sad how most ladies end up with a nasty first time experience! Probably makes you squirm thinking about it!huh? Or smile ...what do I care! Am too preoccupied with Ana's account...

Back to the real issue, I feel as though the money bit is what makes Mr Grey all the more attractive. Say Ana had gone to interview a guy in kariobagi who runs a ...jua kali business, lets just try and picture it for arguments sake, so this kariobangi guy is equally handsome, does she feel intimidated by the sight of him stroking his sweaty lip? And when he passes by the shop she works at, is it cute or stalker-ish? See what am to driving at?? As in, replace the helicopter ride with a matatu ride and Mr. Grey looses his sex appeal!! By the time he gets to the point of showing her his "play room" given the kariobangi situation she's running for the hills scared he's a serial killer with a very weird fettish!

Money has come to define romance in this day and age, if its not expensive and fancy its not romantic enough! And as long as there is money involved , its regarded right and romantic!! Money is the modern day language of love And guess what, the concept is slowly becoming socially acceptable! A rich and powerful man can sexually use you, he doesn't even have to give you cash, the thought of being wanted by a man that could have any woman he wants makes it all worth it. If he can give the world to you he can freely make you a sex slave and its ''romantic". Am about to start chapter 11, hope a'l still be immune to all the bullshit when am done reading it. Lovely Night fellow insomniacs!

Huddah...Hush!!!

I had sworn off the subject of Kenyan socialites but this just got to me...what you ask?
OK, so yesterday as am going through a few pictures on instagram I happen to come across a little video posted by pretty little miss thang' , goes by the name Huddah the boss chic , which is quite old coz nearly 15% of all girls on instagram call themselves bosses and am here wondering, "who dafuq are you a boss to?" Anyway back to the story... so in this little video she's wearing a pair of diamond earrings (we are yet to establish they were not some fakes made of glass) and she goes, "heeeee diayamonds!" And I immediately hide under the table wondering, is this how she speaks? So unpolished? With a heavy Kikuyu accent disguised as Naija accent? Is this what Kenya sounds like to her 162k followers? How has our Nation wronged you dear God?

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with accents but when you carry yourself like the creme Dela crème of society, you better act like it and speak like it even if it means faking it like her counterpart sidika does! Otherwise just shut up and let people idolize you in their heads as a flawless and eloquent woman! Do not spoil the fantasy that is "Huddah the boss chic"

So, the torture went on in another part 2 of the video,
Miss thang': How much did these cost you maaa nikahh? A million US dollars?
Mystery man that wants to bang her: one pont five millian dollars!!
Miss thang': eee, look at him!
(Huddahs heart skips a beat and her legs fly wide open)

THE END (sigh)

Chronic laziness

My life is in a rut right now ... I feel stuck in a very weird place and I am completely clueless on what I should do to make it  meaningful once again! I am currently the king(yes KING) of jobless corner and until i get a job i cant get anything done. I wake up, watch a comedy series, spread the bed , watch a few more episodes, eat a smokie, shower, watch the remaining episodes as i obsess over what to eat for supper, eat, internet, sleep. The next day i repeat the same boring routine! I think a'l just link up with my fellow jobless corner peeps at jeevanjee gardens soon! Just to break from the routine ...We can curse the education system and blame the government the entire day or whatever it is those guys do.

As a result of these deep feelings of uselessness , I am behind on my school project*make that two months behind *, i am not in a hurry to move into a house yet, ok maybe thats coz am so scared of going broke and getting kicked out by the landlord?! How embarrassing would that be? *heavens forbid*, i have temporarily quit applying for jobs mostly coz am tired of people asking if i got it! What's worse is that...I was thinking of taking up french classes in Nairobi aviation to keep me busy but with the recent expose by ntv maybe that's not a very good idea...they might end up teaching me luhya instead! And there is no way am joining alliance fraincè /francé *where is auto correct when you need it!?*....Don't get me wrong, its an amazing school but I cannot afford to make rich friends right now! I don't want people dragging me to java for a bite or stuff like that, am very comfortable and happy with my Sanford and kenchic buddies at the moment *no offense to you guys #nawapenda*.

Bottom line is, whether its a rut or just a case of chronic laziness I need to do something about it ASAP....okay, as soon as I finish this amazing comedy  am watching!

The "Happy holidays friends"

Its a brand new year!! Whoop! whoop! I will avoid complaining and start appreciating things and people around me more...yeah sit down and read my resolutions *am one of those guys* but first, I have to point out a tintsy wintsy thing that bugged me this festive season...

Ummmh... The "Happy holidays friends" God forgive me for being this unappreciative but... Am I the only one that got the long emotional messages from people I haven't spoken to in over a year! In fact, prolly *I hate that slang I meant to say probably but I have to conform to society's needs so...* prolly since last December..."we have been through a lot this year and I am so grateful to god to have had you by my side through it all. I do not know where I would have been without you. You are truly gods gift to me!  God bless you my dearest!"

Okay am taking the blessings but you can keep all the irrelevant forwarded mushy stuff that don't apply.... plus I would like to think am Gods gift to the world ...you know expand my horizons and stuff. Yeah, that came out right! Just the right amount of self absorbed.

Anyhu...I wanna point out a few other stuff that pissed me off but you know what?! Its a new year... I don't want to start it by "rubbing people the wrong way!" (Is that how that saying goes or did I just sound like a pervert?) Oh well ,...have an amazing year everyone!! And make resolutions.... no matter what they tell you and how much its made fun of.. MAKE resolutions!! Nobody's perfect yet, so let's improve.