Where is my cool?

*picks up mic*
*clears throat*

I have a feeling I am no longer as cool as I used to be.

I am currently a twenty something year old who hardly parties anymore or tries out new stuff...its the kind of twenty something where you spend 70% of your day scared of the future and praying really hard you don't end up a failure. All your past mistakes flash before your eyes.... like that time you drunk too much and had a one night stand with a total stranger that probably did not look so healthy...too skinny maybe? Thin hair...*makes the catholic cross sign*. Oh boy oh boy! ...., that kind of thinking can suck the life out of anybody. 

My brother who is 17  could also be a major contributor to my feelings of being uncool. He somehow  thinks am old enough to be his guardian. Every god damn time he goes broke he hits me up ....sending me messages that prove too hard to understand. I know I misuse English but this little dude takes it to a whole new level....with x x's and abbreviations of words that are too short to be abbreviated in the first place. ..."hae d.a xiz xtill wain' 4 de cash" *screams* he somehow gets the spelling of CASH right though and when did 'dear' turn to 'd.a'? P.s I should be the fun sister he talks to about girls and fun stuff not pocket money and how hard life is. Anyway, I am putting him up for adoption...I hope its not too late. (Anyone interested in raising a hormonal teenager?) Maybe if I get rid of him I can feel young and cool again.

Being my age also means I need to be in a stable relationship otherwise am branded a grasshopper  ..eating here and there!  I am not complaining, in fact being taken comes with a lot of perks...like...like...ummh.., love! Yes, like love...but have you seen how hot men are getting this days?! Eh? Where were they during my single days...(1946) Back in the day most dudes I hang out with were either broke drunkards or immature kids who needed a ten year course on how to treat a woman. Now ...its raining gentlemen left right and centre, and i cant even flirt. Smh....

Somebody help me find my cool again!:

*walks away sheepishly*
*probably bumps into something *
*runs back to return the mic*

Random rants

I have a tendency of making people feel a little more important than they actually are in my life. I let people down easy even when they disgust me, am the kind of girl that will keep contact with my one night stands so that they do not think i used them for mere sex and sometimes, actually most times i laugh out loud to some of the stalest jokes just to make the other person feel a little better about themselves.
I used to think that kind of behavior was okay and its what everyone does but honestly fuck that shit. I am choking and drowning in a pool of giving pity fucks...am sorry for using such vulgar words!
I think am emotionally unstable... i blame the Meru Blood flowing through my veins. Thank God am using my words,Not a machete like my forefathers did.

So in one of my tantrums  i deleted some of my blog posts....a few that implicated me in crimes, hahaa they were a little bit similar to written confessions. Some though, not that they would get me in trouble but because i felt some things are not worth my time and memory. Its a waste of my brain space....i only write an edited version of the shit that i go through so i do not expect anyone of you to understand what am ranting about right now. Bottom line is... F#$% the person that got me feeling like this today.

Just Blubber

 Its amazing the number of perverted friends i have on Facebook. Every time i share a post tagged sex... 90 percent of the traffic is from you guys, yes you! i see you!! I get double the hits,but the problem with getting amazing hits on a post is, the next day i feel very blank and empty. its like every idea i come up with sounds shitty as hell.

Anyway, am thinking of writing about careers and education and tagging it ''blow jobs'' or  ''is it time to try anal?'' God, that sounds dirty! yes,... i feel very ashamed of myself right now. What kind of woman says such disgusting things?lol

Point is, i wanna get you guys reading constructive material. Like the recent university strike and all the problems facing Kenya! Politics and the likes. hahaha!! who am i kidding?, that is never happening! just know this,.....

So yesterday on my way home i got hit on by a drunk conductor....that's how a one hour journey feels like five hours. He showed me the money he made in that one round... Squeezing himself next to me! Asking for my number and promising future free rides. why am i even telling this story? i was so embarrassed and am really hoping no one in that city shuttle knew me.

And today i woke up to a watsapp message from my cousin asking if i stalk my Exes!! No, accusing me of stalking my exes!!I plan on writing about that itchy topic on my next blog post. For now,.some of us have to work so,  Xoxo!!