Love and Sex

This post may contain graphic content considered offensive by some of you. Parental guidance is advised ...

So, advise to the wise from the wise lol , Never sleep with a person you are in love with!! No that came out wrong...more like never sleep with someone for the first time after you have fallen in love with them. Unconventional? think about it .....if he makes your heart skip a beat and distorts your breathing rhythm every time he walks by oh, and every time he touches you your stomach turns into a butterfly zoo, then what happens when he actually puts his *you know what* in your *you know what*? Heart attack? Death?

.All am saying is, it is not worth the risk.....
Not to mention the pressure that comes with it, performance is no longer one sided in this generation. Ladies also wanna put it down like its your freaking birthday and own your ass! My advice ? fuck him first then figure out the love thing later, and if you have already fallen for the Nigga ...DON'T DO IT! seriously though, do not! Friend zone his ass. Otherwise you'll just end up a love sick puppy, obsessed and wrecked.

You are all welcome!! xoxo

Dysfunctional

They say a real relationship or rather friendship begins after your first argument, cause then you get to to see and experience the ugly side of a person. From that you can make up your mind on whether you are willing to overlook the ugly and let them into your life.
This weekend i went out with a certain "friend" of mine. I say friend in quotes cause even i don't know how to describe our relationship. It is complicated i guess, we try to reel each other emotionally in only to destroy and wreck whoever gets a little bit attached. To say the least it is dysfunctional and unhealthy. I know we've all been there!
So we are driving through Westlands and we get in a fight and the guy decides he wants to kick me out of his car,(he's got this mean streak going on)....it's in the middle of the night,we are on a street i do not recognize and am dressed in a little slutty dress (i do not feel very creative today so i wont waste time trying to paint a mental picture)....therefore, see below pic

...all this time am thinking, there is no way in hell am getting out of this car! dressed like that i was probably going to get mugged and raped or best case scenario get arrested by cops thinking am a prostitute! You think that's far fetched? Get this, two of my friends got arrested one time under similar circumstances they are lucky it did not end up in their records! LOL
Back to that depressing story.... I sat there really quiet and hating myself for leaving the house in the first place, contrary to what most of you think of me, am a pretty soft and squishy person on the inside, wearing a tough face is just survival mechanism. I kinda broke down crying which is a little bit embarrassing but who can blame me?
Anyway he later apologized but i still think he should be marched through the streets and have people throw rotten tomatoes and fruits at him, .......

well, a girl can only dream i guess!!









The rest of the evening turned out pretty great by the way, i had a perfect excuse to get drunk! and who knew drinking at a parking lot could actually be fun? Too bad am quitting alcohol, i know it sounds cliche but i plan on following through with it...twelve steps and all. I have come to realize that most of my drama is alcohol related and i need a drama free life. Call it maturity.

Prince Charming

There comes a certain time in every woman s life when everyone is up on your neck about Marriage. Ladies you probably know what am talking about. I would like to think of myself as a little too young for that but my mum and aunt think different. The first time i told them i was working at the airport, their reactions were "Nice so when are you bringing your pilot boyfriend home?" NO! i do not unbutton my shirt every time a plane touches down and flirt with the captain. 

Not to forget the time i was joining university in Eldoret and they were so sure my children would be amazing runners! get it? 

You know what, chances are i will end up getting married to a teacher, someone i can see every single day and get three whole months a year to just hang in the house with. Or maybe it will be a drug lord....LOL you know how it is, one can never be so sure with this things.

For now, am just waiting to see which one turns into my prince charming....

Uganda Shananigans

For Labor day i decided to take a road trip to Uganda ,Kampala!! I know, am totally cool and spontaneous! Well, road trip is just a fancy way of saying i could not afford an air ticket so i opt to sit in a Matatu for close to twelve hours all in the name of travelling.

Knowing me you already have a rough idea of how hectic that trip turned out. It all started at our first stop over, i could not locate the car i was in since there were so many similar vehicles parked at the same place. I had to ask a random chic if she had seen me in the car she was in! I know,at times i can ask the dumbest questions . She just gave me a blank look and I walked away looking like a crazy woman.

Luckily i had made a friend out of my seatmate Jeremy who came to my rescue....which reminds me, he kept on speaking English with a funny accent and every time i tried to change the language to Swahili he'd look at me all weird....turns out he was, in his own words "Najeran" (Nigerian)  not to sound stereotypical but, i find it a little fishy he was travelling to Eldoret for only a day to "visit"! Fishy huh? I know.... and i couldn't shake this feeling he was hiding something in his bag! He was a little bit too shifty if you ask me...
His extreme friendly nature....see where am heading? Not to point fingers but....

CROSSING THE BORDER

Yeah i plan on having sub headings for this long labor day blog.
So check this out, in order to cross the border, you have to get on a boda boda (public transport motorbikes) which is scary as hell! if you don't fall over the bridge you are probably thinking, "am getting hit by a transit" ....where would i tell my parents i was going?? Cause am sure they would not get the ,"i love living on the edge pops" excuse.

Why is it so hard to find a friendly person in government offices? I had a nasty encounter with a certain officer just because i said passport instead of permit. He threw around a few disheartening words making sure everyone in the line heard him! even my very forced smile could not get him to shut up. That turned out to be a little embarrassing.

I cant quite describe the feeling you get when you change your cash to Uganda shillings! It worked well to cheer me up....

An instant millionaire!!







CLUB EXPERIENCE

First thing we decided to do in kampala was hit the club! My boyfriend(yes i have a boyfriend and no he is not imaginary) so my boyfriend recommends a certain club called Monalisa Royale, I am so excited to go clubbing in Uganda so first thing i do is 'check in' on Facebook. You know, let everyone know am getting drunk outside kenya.

We are charged 10000ugsh as entry fee since there is a certain performance going down and that just works to build up my excitement. I am all charged up and ready to hit the floor.... i even order local beer called Bell all in the spirit of Uganda.
The MC stops the music and starts talking in Buganda....i don't get what he is saying but i can tell it has something to do with the artist! Then i see him bringing up physically challenged people to the stage,,,,they lip sync to a few songs and people start giving them money.

Not to sound insensitive but that was a little bit depressing. How do i keep on drinking after that? To make matters worse he (MC) starts acting as though he has deformed lips and stretches his hands as well...,that was just wrong.
I don't usually leave liquor behind, but there was no way i was staying at that club any longer, that just ruined my rave morale and i sure as hell was not hitting any other club in Uganda.

I would later settle for shopping and eating Matoke with Chicken till i drop. Simply put the rest of my trip turned out great, i enjoyed every bit of it.I plan on posting a gazillion pictures on instagram through out this week!  I could go on and on with the tiny details but a'l probably end up boring you guys. Plus writing a travel post is kinda hectic,,,

Xoxo everyone!

CRUSH

How do you get over a crush? Okay i know its a pretty stupid question to pose but still.... a friend of mine, lets call her X has a mega crush on a dude she works with. she goes on and on about how cool he is ooh his lips,  blah blah blah showing everyone his pictures so we can join in the drooling and i can assure you its getting kinda old . 

My solution,

Step 1.

 Take a really bad picture of the dude, it doesn't matter how pretty we are, we are all bound to take bad pictures sometimes! So go for it, one where he probably looks drunk...something that looks a little like this.....or worse if you can manage.

Step 2.

Keep staring at it the whole day zooming in on all the worst areas captured until they stick in your head. This will aid in the third and final step....

Step 3.

Let the images haunt you in your sleep...do not fight off the nightmares! Let them eat you up and destroy you completely.

And Just like that you are healed off your crush! 

You are all welcome. 

Happy labour day!(to those of you that work) and the rest of you can have a great thursday.

xoxo everyone!

Butterflies

Turns out my weekend was not as boring and as predictable as i expected! I went out with my roommate who was just done with her exams so you can imagine how that went down. I wouldn't wanna give you guys the details since that would be like outing all those ladies that tell their men ,"just hanging out with the girls baby!" but picture this, booze, twerking, random men, junk food, weed, smokes and drunk calls. plus... minus a few things depending on how bad she is. 

Heey baby! this is how i look wen am calling you drunk!

Monday is here....i finally went out on my first marketing gig and boy did i love it. My love for marketing is real, though i sat there quiet since i dint know what to say i enjoyed watching our Marketing executive do her thing and i don't know if this is possible but i feel as though this is my calling. No seriously though, I want to do this for the rest of my life! unless of course i get something that pays waay better!Lol  (so much for loyalty)

In other news i plan to dedicate myself to working real hard on my relationship. Anyone that's been with me can attest to how much i get bored easily. I know its a sad trait so am working on it. I plan on fixing things rather than running away from them. Never give up on something beautiful for a few butterflies in the stomach...

That's food for thought!

xoxo.

Con woman

Today i woke up to quite the shock at the office. Turns out i really messed up with a prospective client. See, our marketing executive asked me to find new business for her and boy did I ! 

Being the nice little intern i went straight to Google and typed in " how to lure a client". Its amazing what the internet has reduced us to, I find it so hard to trust myself without counter checking on the web. What happened to the good old gut feeling? Anyway, so i got a few suggestions which i applied on that dreadful email and sent it out not forgetting to Cc my boss cause i was feeling pretty confident. 

Turns out i sounded like one of those Nigerian con men that try to get your information so that they steal all your money!At least that's what she told me. I sounded worse really. Not only did i manage to scare away the client but i also got a mail from senior management saying and i quote, " what is this?" 

Judging by how it all went down i can bet you she will not be asking me to do anything on my own anytime soon. This is going to be a loong day....

TABOO

I used to think that nothing was too taboo for me as i presume most of you think of themselves. So with my new found love for blogging i thought, "why not start a sex blog!" right? I could share a few tips and get new stuff from my readers, you know, help spice up my sex life and all that yardi yarda! well i can assure you it is not working out as smoothly as i expected.

I have been working on this one post for well, over a week now. Reason? Every time a person passes near me i fumble with my keyboard and mouse trying to change tabs. oh! not to mention the trouble am having finding the correct wording. Everything sounds so dirty....not that i mind dirty in fact i enjoy dirty but then most of my readers know me personally and that will be really awkward. what would they say, "hey Kate nice piece on the G-spot" then i would be like "thank you, look out for my next piece it'll be on *insert a dirty word of your choice*"

So maybe am not cut out for this kind of stuff, but i can still flirt and google 'sex tips' from other blogs so i guess its all good. But if and when i gather up enough courage a'l be sure to share it all over. For now its all too taboo. Oh, and about that dirty talk.....raze gets me!!

HOROSCOPES

My horoscope warned me against posting anything emotional on my blog this week! Apparently someone important is watching me closely....LOL, who comes up with these things? and more importantly why do they have so much effect on me. see i have quite a number of things i want to put straight but i cant bring myself to talk about them because of something i read on cosmos horoscopes section. And i thought i was modern!

Anyway, i will be updating you guys on my work progress and relationships as soon as the stars align themselves in my favor or whatever it is that happens in the galaxy to warrant such mystic prophesies.

xoxo
superstitious paranoid girl

Whaat if though!?