Sins of Men

Here lies a list of things I hate in
Men! I call them the sinful traits of men...Those with such traits should be arrested and burned at the stake (OK that's a bit extreme) but you get the drift....

The Conquest Man
Now this is the kind of man that  keeps tab on all the pussy he's put his dick in. His main aim in life is to copulate with more women than mswati himself. Where do I even start on this one...well its kiddish, immature, evil, witchcraft, abomination, ebola-ish, apocalyptic and plain sad! And Just when you think it cant get any worse with this type they go telling people, even girls they hope to bang the number they've conquered! Chill dude, my pussy is not a game of thrones kingdom. How do you even count? Throw a stone in a jar every time you have sex? Baah, so disgusting! That is how people get Cervical cancer!

The Stingy man
Live within your means but by all means spoil me within your means. Some guys though...Eish!! mkono wa birika I tell you! Not that I need
Chanel or Gucci but dude make an effort. Some men will call you over bang the living hell out of you and send you off with twenty Bob fare. The only reason you get the twenty Bob is to make sure you don't spend the night at their place! Advice to such Jamaas...invest in a pocket pussy *clears throat* obviously you will save more of those twenty bobs. Cheap bastards nkt!!

The Mtaa Guy
You know, that dude that says ,"utanipea vitu mrembo" translate that to any language and its still the most mtaa shit av ever heard.... and no! "Hakuna vitu unapata hapa buda, jipe shughli"
Unless you are "Alejandro" which is synonym for sexy ass man! Don't be vague about sex....please don't! Chances are, you will end up in jail with sexual harrasment charges!

The Self proclaimed Bad Boy
Hahahaha! Nigga pliz ...that shit stopped being cute 5 years ago when we were still teenagers!  Get in tune with your age. A twenty something year old bad boy is called an irresponsible man. Now you know.

Prince Charming

There comes a certain time in every woman s life when everyone is up on your neck about Marriage. Ladies you probably know what am talking about. I would like to think of myself as a little too young for that but my mum and aunt think different. The first time i told them i was working at the airport, their reactions were "Nice so when are you bringing your pilot boyfriend home?" NO! i do not unbutton my shirt every time a plane touches down and flirt with the captain. 

Not to forget the time i was joining university in Eldoret and they were so sure my children would be amazing runners! get it? 

You know what, chances are i will end up getting married to a teacher, someone i can see every single day and get three whole months a year to just hang in the house with. Or maybe it will be a drug lord....LOL you know how it is, one can never be so sure with this things.

For now, am just waiting to see which one turns into my prince charming....

CRUSH

How do you get over a crush? Okay i know its a pretty stupid question to pose but still.... a friend of mine, lets call her X has a mega crush on a dude she works with. she goes on and on about how cool he is ooh his lips,  blah blah blah showing everyone his pictures so we can join in the drooling and i can assure you its getting kinda old . 

My solution,

Step 1.

 Take a really bad picture of the dude, it doesn't matter how pretty we are, we are all bound to take bad pictures sometimes! So go for it, one where he probably looks drunk...something that looks a little like this.....or worse if you can manage.

Step 2.

Keep staring at it the whole day zooming in on all the worst areas captured until they stick in your head. This will aid in the third and final step....

Step 3.

Let the images haunt you in your sleep...do not fight off the nightmares! Let them eat you up and destroy you completely.

And Just like that you are healed off your crush! 

You are all welcome. 

Happy labour day!(to those of you that work) and the rest of you can have a great thursday.

xoxo everyone!