The "Happy holidays friends"

Its a brand new year!! Whoop! whoop! I will avoid complaining and start appreciating things and people around me more...yeah sit down and read my resolutions *am one of those guys* but first, I have to point out a tintsy wintsy thing that bugged me this festive season...

Ummmh... The "Happy holidays friends" God forgive me for being this unappreciative but... Am I the only one that got the long emotional messages from people I haven't spoken to in over a year! In fact, prolly *I hate that slang I meant to say probably but I have to conform to society's needs so...* prolly since last December..."we have been through a lot this year and I am so grateful to god to have had you by my side through it all. I do not know where I would have been without you. You are truly gods gift to me!  God bless you my dearest!"

Okay am taking the blessings but you can keep all the irrelevant forwarded mushy stuff that don't apply.... plus I would like to think am Gods gift to the world ...you know expand my horizons and stuff. Yeah, that came out right! Just the right amount of self absorbed.

Anyhu...I wanna point out a few other stuff that pissed me off but you know what?! Its a new year... I don't want to start it by "rubbing people the wrong way!" (Is that how that saying goes or did I just sound like a pervert?) Oh well ,...have an amazing year everyone!! And make resolutions.... no matter what they tell you and how much its made fun of.. MAKE resolutions!! Nobody's perfect yet, so let's improve. 

Kenyan Insecurity

I am so sick and tired of hearing our politicians blame the government for the recent insecurity cases. Don't get me wrong ...am not supporting the government or trying to paint it in good light. In fact I think its time people like ole lenku retired back to herding cattle in their father's boma.

But i still wonder, must a person sit on the presidential seat to give his valuable advice on how to combat terrorism? If indeed they care about Kenya and want the best for it, don't you at least think they would sit down with the likes of Uhuru and give their input on the issue? If indeed their advice worked, i can assure you (as a PR student) they would surely win the 2017 elections. Even i would vote for them!! Instead this serious problem has been turned into a blame game....a battle for power. Like hungry hyenas lusting for the big seat while people die. Feeding off peoples fears and anger....so well calculated.

One might even think these attacks are  internally organized.... am meant to understand that both Ethiopia and Uganda have their forces in Somalia but somehow Kenya is the only country facing the wrath of these religiously confused mongrels. I say religiously confused because no religion advocates for violence.... they are recruiting into a cult and tarnishing the name of Islam.

What makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever. In my view, there is no point of killing a person just because they don't see the world through your eyes. Live and let live....we are all destined to die some day whether we lived for Allah, Baal, Jesus, Jah ...*name them*. #peace.

Where is my cool?

*picks up mic*
*clears throat*

I have a feeling I am no longer as cool as I used to be.

I am currently a twenty something year old who hardly parties anymore or tries out new stuff...its the kind of twenty something where you spend 70% of your day scared of the future and praying really hard you don't end up a failure. All your past mistakes flash before your eyes.... like that time you drunk too much and had a one night stand with a total stranger that probably did not look so healthy...too skinny maybe? Thin hair...*makes the catholic cross sign*. Oh boy oh boy! ...., that kind of thinking can suck the life out of anybody. 

My brother who is 17  could also be a major contributor to my feelings of being uncool. He somehow  thinks am old enough to be his guardian. Every god damn time he goes broke he hits me up ....sending me messages that prove too hard to understand. I know I misuse English but this little dude takes it to a whole new level....with x x's and abbreviations of words that are too short to be abbreviated in the first place. ..."hae d.a xiz xtill wain' 4 de cash" *screams* he somehow gets the spelling of CASH right though and when did 'dear' turn to 'd.a'? P.s I should be the fun sister he talks to about girls and fun stuff not pocket money and how hard life is. Anyway, I am putting him up for adoption...I hope its not too late. (Anyone interested in raising a hormonal teenager?) Maybe if I get rid of him I can feel young and cool again.

Being my age also means I need to be in a stable relationship otherwise am branded a grasshopper  ..eating here and there!  I am not complaining, in fact being taken comes with a lot of perks...like...like...ummh.., love! Yes, like love...but have you seen how hot men are getting this days?! Eh? Where were they during my single days...(1946) Back in the day most dudes I hang out with were either broke drunkards or immature kids who needed a ten year course on how to treat a woman. Now ...its raining gentlemen left right and centre, and i cant even flirt. Smh....

Somebody help me find my cool again!:

*walks away sheepishly*
*probably bumps into something *
*runs back to return the mic*

My Dress my Choice!

I happened to watch the video of the lady who was stripped naked by some stupid ass, broke ass, horny ass touts who've probably not seen any p*#sy since their mothers pushed them out! Poor woman... It is so heartbreaking what nairobi has turned into. If it were some "nyangechoma" village maybe we could excuse their barbaric behavior but Nairobi cbd?? Washamba hao....and what makes it worse is the double standards those horny pricks have. Were it a white woman in a hot pant passing by, none of them would even bat an eye....but god forbid its one of their own!! Such moral hypocrisy *spits in disgust*

If Niggers pulled that shit on me...ooh I tell you, bullets would fly...bodies would drop, I would probably kill their young and eat them raw just to express my disapointment...then maybe turn to vodoo and kill them slowly with dark magic to let the world know of my anger and finally...(yes shit is going down!)...*insert evil laugh for dramatic effect*.....I would burry them in unmarked graves as I let go of the pain and humiliation! (Too dark?) Muhahaha...

Anyway, in which century do you as a man undress a woman for showing too much skin? What is the logic behind that? I bet the homopithecus woman walked naked and nobody ripped their body hairs off in protest! Nkt!! May their daughters be treated the same way they treat women!
#mydressmychoice you don't like it? Don't stare... better yet, rip your god damn eyes off.

The best thing to do when you spot someone dressed like a funny looking skank....laugh! Laugh it off behind their backs like a normal person and let it slide. Its never that serious!! 

Click here to watch the gruesome video.

Nobody Cares!

"Nobody is interested in your success other than you!!"...  I remember our lecturer telling us that in class and students mumbling in detest but honestly speaking, ...I couldn't agree with him more! You think people lose sleep over that promotion you are waiting for? Nobody gives a fuck,  believe me... Unless of cos they depend on you financially .

Your failures on the other hand....ooh.... now that, hahaa..people live for that shit. They enjoy saying stuff like, "poor dude, whatever happened to him? He had so much potential" ..."nilijua tu hakuna place atafika"  blah blah blah .... in fact, they will bond over your failures! High fives will fly as they laugh out loud and friendships will be formed between your common enemies ...  it is just the way of the world  but we are sometimes too blind to notice. I do not live in a dark world as most of you are probably thinking right now..all am saying is, Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

So the next time you want to post a picture or a status informing people how hard you hustle and how much you aspire to make it in life...remember this, Nobody Cares!! Work in silence and let your success make the noise. But hey, what do I know!

Njoki Chege

I recently read the hyped up article by Njoki Chege and here is the vibe I got about her which am guessing all the pissed off men did to.......not that it matters but am just going to put it out there nonetheless;
1. Her idea of a romantic setting is one with a diamond in it. You know, if you hail from Roysambu or south B there is no way you could match up to her standards unless you are a jewelry thief.

2. Her hobby is collecting romantic antiques...rich old geezers. If you are below the age of 34...you are probably too young, immature and definitely too broke. Your cheap Subaru imprezzas don't impress her!

3. Her motto is; dough or die!! Get it? ...doh, mulla, doh!!! Sadly that is the motto of most modern day spinsters. So its fair to say she is an aspiring spinster.

4. Its hard to figure out what she would have found attractive about men if she had lived before money was invented. Honestly though,... take away the three million cars, fancy dinners, broke men that repulse her for their inability to feed their mouths past the 15th of every month and what do you have left to stir some emotion in her?...... * still thinking**....I would have to go with the village elders maybe or the village loner that did not participate in drinking ceremonies...lol

5. She brings out the worst in men...all eligible bachelors consider her too high maintenance and fake to bother hitting on while all the men she wants, are too busy being married to even notice her desperate rants.

6. She harbors great sympathy for the 34 year old lonely man who needs someone to share his bank account and big cars with....but hardly notices the mature well behaved 34 year old that rides Kenya bus from south B to his humble job.

7. She may get married someday (though am still betting on the spinster thing) .....she is just waiting for the right amount to come along!

Not that her article was extreme or anything, in fact most girls echo her sentiments in the privacy of their friendship circles. If I was to take a wild guess, I would say 95 percent of girls want to date a rich guy and anyone that tells you otherwise is a lying pretentious wh0re!

As a man you are probably thinking , '' but my girl loyal and I ain't got no cash!" Haha...Well, let me burst that bubble you are living in before you run out of air....That bitch has seen potential in you and she knows its worth the wait. She will stick around because the future is bright. Women are very calculative creatures...believe me, It not your over the top sex game as you previously imagined!! ...and if it is, then you are getting dumped as soon as she realizes amazing sex won't fend for her children!
Unless of cos you decide to go professional and become a Man whore.

Anyway the point of all this yardie yarda is....people don't go saying that shit on respectable mass media, it should be reserved for gutter press like this blog. So next time miss Chege , avoid using money-syllables!!

*just so you know I lie in the 5% that don't give a fuck about money*

Naming ceremony

I recently changed my blogs Name from one step at a time to Random Rants. Reason? Well one step at a time sounds so encouraging and life changing...which is so misleading because I never post life changing stories.
I am a journalist without a purpose, all I do is rant. Rant about my life, rant about men, friends and sometimes, I take it to a whole other level and rant about the universe. What am trying to say is, am too busy ranting to encourage any lost soul.

So its official, Random Rants will be the name of my blog until am ready to be the fountain of encouragement from which all thy poor souls can sip from. But till I get that life changing call to help make the world a better place, deal with your own problems and read more motivational blogs.
Me, a'l just be here ranting and offloading all the stress that has come to define my life. Xoxo

Sins of Men

Here lies a list of things I hate in
Men! I call them the sinful traits of men...Those with such traits should be arrested and burned at the stake (OK that's a bit extreme) but you get the drift....

The Conquest Man
Now this is the kind of man that  keeps tab on all the pussy he's put his dick in. His main aim in life is to copulate with more women than mswati himself. Where do I even start on this one...well its kiddish, immature, evil, witchcraft, abomination, ebola-ish, apocalyptic and plain sad! And Just when you think it cant get any worse with this type they go telling people, even girls they hope to bang the number they've conquered! Chill dude, my pussy is not a game of thrones kingdom. How do you even count? Throw a stone in a jar every time you have sex? Baah, so disgusting! That is how people get Cervical cancer!

The Stingy man
Live within your means but by all means spoil me within your means. Some guys though...Eish!! mkono wa birika I tell you! Not that I need
Chanel or Gucci but dude make an effort. Some men will call you over bang the living hell out of you and send you off with twenty Bob fare. The only reason you get the twenty Bob is to make sure you don't spend the night at their place! Advice to such Jamaas...invest in a pocket pussy *clears throat* obviously you will save more of those twenty bobs. Cheap bastards nkt!!

The Mtaa Guy
You know, that dude that says ,"utanipea vitu mrembo" translate that to any language and its still the most mtaa shit av ever heard.... and no! "Hakuna vitu unapata hapa buda, jipe shughli"
Unless you are "Alejandro" which is synonym for sexy ass man! Don't be vague about sex....please don't! Chances are, you will end up in jail with sexual harrasment charges!

The Self proclaimed Bad Boy
Hahahaha! Nigga pliz ...that shit stopped being cute 5 years ago when we were still teenagers!  Get in tune with your age. A twenty something year old bad boy is called an irresponsible man. Now you know.

Stone Age

I would hate to end up like them, I want to enjoy life in the simplest of forms. Nothing fancy, nothing flashy just life! But that is the hardest thing to do in this goddamn century. With all this social media platforms, Its like everyone has to conform otherwise you are dubbed uncool. Or people just assume you are poor!

Take instagram for instance, everybody's life is awesome...literary! Everyone captions their pictures "my life is awesome" and don't get me wrong...I appreciate positivity but when its overdone it just has this fake vibe to it. Where did realism disappear to? People will take pictures(selfies) in other peoples cars and say, "this traffic is driving me crazy!" Bet it doesn't drive you crazy when you are in that usual matatu...now that's a selfie I would like to see. With that sweaty guy seated next to you photo bombing !! Others will post big bundles of cash that don't belong to them with the caption ,"we out here grinding!" Or "I hustle hard bitch!" What are you grinding on exactly?? ....okay somebody hand me a gun!! Something has to be done!!

So as a way of keeping sane...I uninstalled my instagram app. My watsapp too...coz am tired of people hitting me up just coz they are bored and have nothing better to do! If its serious or urgent enough they will find time and credit to scroll for my number and call me... or just message me old school style. Yes am stone age like that! :-)

Life after death

Just the other day a friend of mine lost somebody close to her...and I could not help but wonder what is the point of our existence or "living", if you want it to sound meaningful, if at the end of the day we just die.

I know most of our religions believe in life after death but to a critical thinker its just that, a mere belief. Yet somehow it gives an individual a deep sense of peace even at the moment of death...research shows that non religious people are most scared of death, I guess its because it habours within it the fear of the unknown. Its like being told to walk into a dark room all alone and you have no idea what awaits you...it could be filled with beautiful things and all you have to do is switch on the light or.....full of monsters waiting to devour you!! Or maybe its just that, darkness!! Endless darkness.

Some German scientist conducted an experiment with 944 volunteers where they would put them in a state of clinical death for around 20 minutes then resuscitate them.
The long period was recently made possible by the development of the new cardiopulmonary recitation (CPR) machine called the auto pulse. Now here's the Wow effect, the machine has been used over the last few years to reanimate people who had been dead  for somewhere between 40 minutes to 1 hour!!
Anyway, The purpose of this crazy experiment was to try and establish the possibility of life after death by asking the participants to try and recall anything that happened during the "minutes of death".
All the subjects had some memory of their period of clinical death, most common memories were a feeling of detachment from the body, feelings of levitation, total serenity, security, warmth, the experience of absolute dissolution and the presence of an overwhelming light.
Note that the religious beliefs of the various subjects held no base to their memories.

So there you have it, Death is not the "dead end"! There is life after death. Science just echoed what religion has been telling us all this years.

Old Fashioned

I am curious if you guys also think its always best to wait for a man to make the first move. Personally i think it is. I have always taken the view that a man who is interested will make his interest known, and if he doesn't he is probably not that into you. And maybe you should just take a hint and walk away with the little shred of dignity you have left, well i think its best to do that before you get to a point where you simply wanna hang yourself.

When I have attempted to pursue guys in the past I never had it work out in my favor and i have never found that any of them had been secretly interested or shy or waiting for me to do anything – they just weren't interested at all. Is it safe to say that if a man is attracted to you and has no reason to think you’re taken or otherwise unavailable he would make some attempt to act on it? – or am I being way too old fashioned in my thinking?

Call it whatever you want but the bottom line is, He is not that into you if you are the one chasing. he may say yes to you and your vigorous sexual advances but  Lets face it, who would say no to a willing fuck? Certainly not anyone in the male species....

Don't be a thirsty Bitch...Just saying

Random rants

I have a tendency of making people feel a little more important than they actually are in my life. I let people down easy even when they disgust me, am the kind of girl that will keep contact with my one night stands so that they do not think i used them for mere sex and sometimes, actually most times i laugh out loud to some of the stalest jokes just to make the other person feel a little better about themselves.
I used to think that kind of behavior was okay and its what everyone does but honestly fuck that shit. I am choking and drowning in a pool of giving pity fucks...am sorry for using such vulgar words!
I think am emotionally unstable... i blame the Meru Blood flowing through my veins. Thank God am using my words,Not a machete like my forefathers did.

So in one of my tantrums  i deleted some of my blog posts....a few that implicated me in crimes, hahaa they were a little bit similar to written confessions. Some though, not that they would get me in trouble but because i felt some things are not worth my time and memory. Its a waste of my brain space....i only write an edited version of the shit that i go through so i do not expect anyone of you to understand what am ranting about right now. Bottom line is... F#$% the person that got me feeling like this today.

Drunk Dialing

I cannot look myself in the mirror right now, and its not because of the pale look am wearing this morning as a result of drinking myself silly yesterday. I am more embarrassed with the events that took place and honestly, i feel like a disgrace to all collected ladies out there.
Am the only person i know that seems to think alcohol is the perfect medium of communication. so what do i do? every time i get drunk, i think of all the things i could never bring myself to say sober and dial up people to give it to em.

Yesterday was no different, i called up my usual victim and to be frank with you, i don't even remember what i was telling the poor guy. I went on and on without giving him the chance to talk and when he finally got an opportunity, all he could say was, ''Kate, am gonna hang up!" yeah , somebody please shoot me in the head right now.

Next was a very cool guy, Lucky Man was hanging out with his dad so i settled for texting instead....just to recall a few of the dreadful messages ''I don't care how gangster you are you better treat me like a lady,'' ''I don't want this shit no more" ''fuck this crap'' ''if you with your dad or whoever..'' I cant go on....
To make matters worse he wont pick up my call this morning. How do i even start apologizing. I should be arrested for last nights heinous phone crimes....but the feeling i have this morning is punishment enough. Trust me.

Just Blubber

 Its amazing the number of perverted friends i have on Facebook. Every time i share a post tagged sex... 90 percent of the traffic is from you guys, yes you! i see you!! I get double the hits,but the problem with getting amazing hits on a post is, the next day i feel very blank and empty. its like every idea i come up with sounds shitty as hell.

Anyway, am thinking of writing about careers and education and tagging it ''blow jobs'' or  ''is it time to try anal?'' God, that sounds dirty! yes,... i feel very ashamed of myself right now. What kind of woman says such disgusting things?lol

Point is, i wanna get you guys reading constructive material. Like the recent university strike and all the problems facing Kenya! Politics and the likes. hahaha!! who am i kidding?, that is never happening! just know this,.....

So yesterday on my way home i got hit on by a drunk conductor....that's how a one hour journey feels like five hours. He showed me the money he made in that one round... Squeezing himself next to me! Asking for my number and promising future free rides. why am i even telling this story? i was so embarrassed and am really hoping no one in that city shuttle knew me.

And today i woke up to a watsapp message from my cousin asking if i stalk my Exes!! No, accusing me of stalking my exes!!I plan on writing about that itchy topic on my next blog post. For now,.some of us have to work so,  Xoxo!!

Love and Sex

This post may contain graphic content considered offensive by some of you. Parental guidance is advised ...

So, advise to the wise from the wise lol , Never sleep with a person you are in love with!! No that came out wrong...more like never sleep with someone for the first time after you have fallen in love with them. Unconventional? think about it .....if he makes your heart skip a beat and distorts your breathing rhythm every time he walks by oh, and every time he touches you your stomach turns into a butterfly zoo, then what happens when he actually puts his *you know what* in your *you know what*? Heart attack? Death?

.All am saying is, it is not worth the risk.....
Not to mention the pressure that comes with it, performance is no longer one sided in this generation. Ladies also wanna put it down like its your freaking birthday and own your ass! My advice ? fuck him first then figure out the love thing later, and if you have already fallen for the Nigga ...DON'T DO IT! seriously though, do not! Friend zone his ass. Otherwise you'll just end up a love sick puppy, obsessed and wrecked.

You are all welcome!! xoxo

Nairobi Night Life.

Yesterday was epic! As a way of saying bye bye to alcohol (yes I still plan on quitting) ,I decided to go out with an old friend or rather my "high school sweet heart" in his own words. We were sipping a little bit and we thought, why not turn this up? His friend had a few joints and we decided to step out and light them up (notice how bad ass I sound right now)

After we were done breaking the Law, we started taking a stroll to waft the smell away from our clothes before we could go back to the club.

Apparently we were walking towards cops!! We had not seen them so we walked right into them... 

"Nyinyi kujeni hapa! " one of them yells at us. I have never been so freaked out in my entire life. I thought of running away since the one that called us was a little fat *no offence* but after having a look around and realising the place was swarmed with them i thought against it. And with the recent state of insecurity I would end up shot or something. How had we not seen them previously?

So we walked over to the cops trying to look sober and in the best behaviour a high person can fake. As we get close he says "Aiyaya Kwanza nini hiyo mnanuka?" He grabs the hands of one of the guys and smells them...and we know right there and then we are fucked! He does the same to Tim and I figure I should probably mask my smell so I dip my fingers in my cup so that they smell like liqueur instead

"Mnajua hiyo ni offence ya miaka kumi Na nne? Si hiyo ni bhangi? "

I can't handle jail. ..I would kill myself in there so I break into a silly choking laugh trying to make the guy less grumpy. Turns out that shit doesn't work if you are drunk coz then you just look drunk!!  

They start escorting us to their lorry all this time reminding us of the time we would probably face........more scary than it sounds really. One of them chucks hand cuffs and he wants to put them on one of the guys. ..I have never seen handcuffs before but I can assure you any dreams I had about bdsm just ended there! ! So they try to plead with them and even give them a little something. .*bribe* yes welcome to Kenya!! But the cops won't listen  all this time am standing a little further from them....trying to figure out how I can sneak away and go get my friend (Mose) so he can help bail his friends out. 

Turns out we were hanging out with one of themost street wise guys I have ever met ..when I say street, I mean like the real streets , the hood streets, convicted kind of streets. He comes up with the most amazing lie..

"Enyewe boss mi ni boys wa estlando and I wanted to show this rich girl I can really party (p.s I still wallow in poverty) sa Nimejikaza Nikamleta westie . (I had just met him through my friend) Huyu dame hata hajui amevuta nini sai buda. (P.s I can recognise weed from a mile away) blah blah" He goes on and on about how life is hard and the mistakes he has made chasing me..or shit like that.

This touches the cop enough he actually starts giving the dude fatherly advice on how chics are never worth the trouble and effort. In this "emotional" moment I manage to sneak away and go get my friend so he could help...but by the time we get back the cops had let them go. He even gave the dude his money back!! How often does that happen,?

Respect to Tim!!

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, being the only girl I got to check out booty with the dudes. The images still haunt me! I have seen more botty than any woman should have to in one night. I  Listened to all the sex stories a lady can handle! ! Yes Men talk to...and their way of describing it is worse!! To say the least i was given a tour into the Minds of Men...and it is a filthy place!! 

Nonetheless it was the most fun I have had in a while.

By the way it's always nice to get reviews from you guys..from my fb inbox , watsapp messages to privately shared comments. I appreciate them...like this conversation I had:

MOSE: ...yea, she actually has a blog.

TIM: what is it about?

MOSE: It's like a female version of Nairobi Half Life ( movie )

TIM: But all the women in Nairobi Half Life are whores. ..

(Laughter)

(Silence)

(More laughter)

ME: It's just a journal. A'l send you the link Tim..

(Both Tim and Mose burst out laughing uncontrollably )

Till my next escapade ...xoxo.

Today

Today i will avoid talking about shit in my life and concentrate on the positive. Like my friends who i love to death and my family all of whom i care for deeply not to forget my amazing Man who is the major reason for my existence.

I will no longer dwell on people who do not add value to my life, i will learn to walk away cause i know am worth so much more and i realize i cannot turn evil people into good people. I know i have a high level of tolerance but I am not a miracle worker.

Today i learn not to sugar coat things ,to call a spade a spade and not a big spoon, to differentiate friendly teases from emotional abuse. To identify love in a heap of lust.

Today i open a new chapter in my life. a chapter filled with laughter joy and happiness. Today, i honor Kate and the people in Kate's life. I would be nothing without you guys.

Hope you all enjoy your weekends. My plan? Eat as much junk food as i can lay my hands on, go out with a few friends, you know, the usual. oh! am probably getting a tattoo this weekend...will update you on how that goes down!!
xoxo

Poor

At the risk of sounding 40, am gonna go right ahead and say this. Hip hop music is bad!! Yes, i just went there ....it is bad for your mind, soul and spirit and i would never advice anyone to listen to it. In fact if you are yet to decide on a genre of music, settle for jazz!!
Ever since i started listening to this destructive music (lil wayne and the likes) my dreams have changed from butterflies, babies and a nice home in the suburbs to guns, weed and running around with gangsters *no offence i still respect all hustle* .

To him every word rhymes with Nigga!!

Speaking of hustle, is anyone else finding this month too long for their money?its not even mid month, yet I shudder whenever i walk past a supermarket cause i know i have a long list of essentials that i need to buy! But then every time i actually gather enough courage to walk in.... i check out the prices and settle for a cheap bottle of liqueur instead . What have i become?

.........i know a'l be putting off grocery shopping till end of this month but that wont stop me from going out. Don't judge me I am still young so am allowed to have misplaced priorities.

Dysfunctional

They say a real relationship or rather friendship begins after your first argument, cause then you get to to see and experience the ugly side of a person. From that you can make up your mind on whether you are willing to overlook the ugly and let them into your life.
This weekend i went out with a certain "friend" of mine. I say friend in quotes cause even i don't know how to describe our relationship. It is complicated i guess, we try to reel each other emotionally in only to destroy and wreck whoever gets a little bit attached. To say the least it is dysfunctional and unhealthy. I know we've all been there!
So we are driving through Westlands and we get in a fight and the guy decides he wants to kick me out of his car,(he's got this mean streak going on)....it's in the middle of the night,we are on a street i do not recognize and am dressed in a little slutty dress (i do not feel very creative today so i wont waste time trying to paint a mental picture)....therefore, see below pic

...all this time am thinking, there is no way in hell am getting out of this car! dressed like that i was probably going to get mugged and raped or best case scenario get arrested by cops thinking am a prostitute! You think that's far fetched? Get this, two of my friends got arrested one time under similar circumstances they are lucky it did not end up in their records! LOL
Back to that depressing story.... I sat there really quiet and hating myself for leaving the house in the first place, contrary to what most of you think of me, am a pretty soft and squishy person on the inside, wearing a tough face is just survival mechanism. I kinda broke down crying which is a little bit embarrassing but who can blame me?
Anyway he later apologized but i still think he should be marched through the streets and have people throw rotten tomatoes and fruits at him, .......

well, a girl can only dream i guess!!









The rest of the evening turned out pretty great by the way, i had a perfect excuse to get drunk! and who knew drinking at a parking lot could actually be fun? Too bad am quitting alcohol, i know it sounds cliche but i plan on following through with it...twelve steps and all. I have come to realize that most of my drama is alcohol related and i need a drama free life. Call it maturity.

Prince Charming

There comes a certain time in every woman s life when everyone is up on your neck about Marriage. Ladies you probably know what am talking about. I would like to think of myself as a little too young for that but my mum and aunt think different. The first time i told them i was working at the airport, their reactions were "Nice so when are you bringing your pilot boyfriend home?" NO! i do not unbutton my shirt every time a plane touches down and flirt with the captain. 

Not to forget the time i was joining university in Eldoret and they were so sure my children would be amazing runners! get it? 

You know what, chances are i will end up getting married to a teacher, someone i can see every single day and get three whole months a year to just hang in the house with. Or maybe it will be a drug lord....LOL you know how it is, one can never be so sure with this things.

For now, am just waiting to see which one turns into my prince charming....

Uganda Shananigans

For Labor day i decided to take a road trip to Uganda ,Kampala!! I know, am totally cool and spontaneous! Well, road trip is just a fancy way of saying i could not afford an air ticket so i opt to sit in a Matatu for close to twelve hours all in the name of travelling.

Knowing me you already have a rough idea of how hectic that trip turned out. It all started at our first stop over, i could not locate the car i was in since there were so many similar vehicles parked at the same place. I had to ask a random chic if she had seen me in the car she was in! I know,at times i can ask the dumbest questions . She just gave me a blank look and I walked away looking like a crazy woman.

Luckily i had made a friend out of my seatmate Jeremy who came to my rescue....which reminds me, he kept on speaking English with a funny accent and every time i tried to change the language to Swahili he'd look at me all weird....turns out he was, in his own words "Najeran" (Nigerian)  not to sound stereotypical but, i find it a little fishy he was travelling to Eldoret for only a day to "visit"! Fishy huh? I know.... and i couldn't shake this feeling he was hiding something in his bag! He was a little bit too shifty if you ask me...
His extreme friendly nature....see where am heading? Not to point fingers but....

CROSSING THE BORDER

Yeah i plan on having sub headings for this long labor day blog.
So check this out, in order to cross the border, you have to get on a boda boda (public transport motorbikes) which is scary as hell! if you don't fall over the bridge you are probably thinking, "am getting hit by a transit" ....where would i tell my parents i was going?? Cause am sure they would not get the ,"i love living on the edge pops" excuse.

Why is it so hard to find a friendly person in government offices? I had a nasty encounter with a certain officer just because i said passport instead of permit. He threw around a few disheartening words making sure everyone in the line heard him! even my very forced smile could not get him to shut up. That turned out to be a little embarrassing.

I cant quite describe the feeling you get when you change your cash to Uganda shillings! It worked well to cheer me up....

An instant millionaire!!







CLUB EXPERIENCE

First thing we decided to do in kampala was hit the club! My boyfriend(yes i have a boyfriend and no he is not imaginary) so my boyfriend recommends a certain club called Monalisa Royale, I am so excited to go clubbing in Uganda so first thing i do is 'check in' on Facebook. You know, let everyone know am getting drunk outside kenya.

We are charged 10000ugsh as entry fee since there is a certain performance going down and that just works to build up my excitement. I am all charged up and ready to hit the floor.... i even order local beer called Bell all in the spirit of Uganda.
The MC stops the music and starts talking in Buganda....i don't get what he is saying but i can tell it has something to do with the artist! Then i see him bringing up physically challenged people to the stage,,,,they lip sync to a few songs and people start giving them money.

Not to sound insensitive but that was a little bit depressing. How do i keep on drinking after that? To make matters worse he (MC) starts acting as though he has deformed lips and stretches his hands as well...,that was just wrong.
I don't usually leave liquor behind, but there was no way i was staying at that club any longer, that just ruined my rave morale and i sure as hell was not hitting any other club in Uganda.

I would later settle for shopping and eating Matoke with Chicken till i drop. Simply put the rest of my trip turned out great, i enjoyed every bit of it.I plan on posting a gazillion pictures on instagram through out this week!  I could go on and on with the tiny details but a'l probably end up boring you guys. Plus writing a travel post is kinda hectic,,,

Xoxo everyone!

CRUSH

How do you get over a crush? Okay i know its a pretty stupid question to pose but still.... a friend of mine, lets call her X has a mega crush on a dude she works with. she goes on and on about how cool he is ooh his lips,  blah blah blah showing everyone his pictures so we can join in the drooling and i can assure you its getting kinda old . 

My solution,

Step 1.

 Take a really bad picture of the dude, it doesn't matter how pretty we are, we are all bound to take bad pictures sometimes! So go for it, one where he probably looks drunk...something that looks a little like this.....or worse if you can manage.

Step 2.

Keep staring at it the whole day zooming in on all the worst areas captured until they stick in your head. This will aid in the third and final step....

Step 3.

Let the images haunt you in your sleep...do not fight off the nightmares! Let them eat you up and destroy you completely.

And Just like that you are healed off your crush! 

You are all welcome. 

Happy labour day!(to those of you that work) and the rest of you can have a great thursday.

xoxo everyone!

Nairobi

Nairobi is one of the most insecure and unsafe towns that i have lived in. Not to spoil our tourism industry but If you don't get hit by a bus crossing the road you are definitely getting mugged around the corner. So yesterday i had a nasty experience... i almost got hit by a bus and that is probably the 23rd time its happening so no big deal. The thing that bugs me the most about these "near death experiences" is the reaction from the crowd! people holding their mouths, the "wuuuuu" sound everyone makes! are we in a choir or something?oh, not to mention the nasty remarks from the bus driver! dude you almost killed me you can try and act in the least bit worried! but am too cool for that kind of hustle....

i walked away looking all fresh....

Now that we are on the fresh subject, who goes out drinking on a Monday? I am walking past Tribeka (local club) right? and there is music and actual people drinking!! they must be gods...no seriously,that is what comes to mind! Wednesday i get, it is lady's night, Thursday is still cool cause you are aching for the weekend, Friday is totally okay but Monday!? Where do these people work!?

Butterflies

Turns out my weekend was not as boring and as predictable as i expected! I went out with my roommate who was just done with her exams so you can imagine how that went down. I wouldn't wanna give you guys the details since that would be like outing all those ladies that tell their men ,"just hanging out with the girls baby!" but picture this, booze, twerking, random men, junk food, weed, smokes and drunk calls. plus... minus a few things depending on how bad she is. 

Heey baby! this is how i look wen am calling you drunk!

Monday is here....i finally went out on my first marketing gig and boy did i love it. My love for marketing is real, though i sat there quiet since i dint know what to say i enjoyed watching our Marketing executive do her thing and i don't know if this is possible but i feel as though this is my calling. No seriously though, I want to do this for the rest of my life! unless of course i get something that pays waay better!Lol  (so much for loyalty)

In other news i plan to dedicate myself to working real hard on my relationship. Anyone that's been with me can attest to how much i get bored easily. I know its a sad trait so am working on it. I plan on fixing things rather than running away from them. Never give up on something beautiful for a few butterflies in the stomach...

That's food for thought!

xoxo.

My Number

With the recent state of insecurity in Kenya, the airport has been crawling with cops, well not exactly crawling with them more like......you know what, i wont explain how the cops are dispersed around. i wouldn't want to be the one that tipped off the terrorist.

Back to my story, so yesterday i bumped into one of them on my way home and he stopped me. "where are you going young lady?" he asks in Swahili. I tell him am headed home right? "Give me your number!" How did that conversation escalate to that point? well, picture this..he has a big gun hanging on his chest and he is still in the 'process' of shaking my hand and i call it process cause it was taking a little bit too long. Not to mention the stern look on his face, and all i can think about is "do i give this stranger my number or risk getting shot and appear on the 7 o'clock news as a suspected terrorist"

Anyway thank God its Friday....why do i even say that? Its not like i will be out partying. Chances are a'l be bored out of my mind this evening watching an overrated series and arguing over washing dishes with my amazing roommate. Cool enough.

Till Monday xoxo!

Party monsters have a blast this weekend! Don't be wearing alcohol goggles though.....lol

Freedom!!

I just came across this on Facebook, A  friend of mine wrote it as one of his notes. Forgive the grammatical errors, you will understand why they are so many once you read it.  And he starts....


"u DO NOT have ta read this coz this iz ma 1st note eva, bt im really high nd really bored so i myt as well.. 

you kno tha way evry1 tellz u that u live in a free world?? yea well they r bullshittin u.. 
they tell u tht u have the freedom of choice but the instant u make a decision they dnt lyk they throw u in jail.. 
take for instance if sum1 breakz into ur house nd threatenz ta kill ur family.. wat wud u do?? kill em 1st ryt?? bt get this, they still try ta throw u in jail... dependin on hw gud ur lawyer iz u cud get away by claimin self- defence( bt u hv ta b able ta afford a gud lawyer) 

anotha example iz freedom of speech, yet they constantly try ta control wat u think which in turn cud cause u ta change wat u wudda sed... 

the point of all this iz simple, neva believe wat they tell u, only trust ur instincts coz we wer born wit em nd a nessesity( dnt think i spelt it corectly bt so wat?!!!) of survival.. 

thank u for ur tym!!! im high nd im goin ta blak tha fuk out!!!peace!!!" 



Kids, stay away from drugs....they turn you into activist! 
I really hope he doesn't come across this, (but in case you already did, i couldn't resist! Still got mad luv for you! And i loved the note 2)

En It was only befitting i put an actual picture of the writer.

Con woman

Today i woke up to quite the shock at the office. Turns out i really messed up with a prospective client. See, our marketing executive asked me to find new business for her and boy did I ! 

Being the nice little intern i went straight to Google and typed in " how to lure a client". Its amazing what the internet has reduced us to, I find it so hard to trust myself without counter checking on the web. What happened to the good old gut feeling? Anyway, so i got a few suggestions which i applied on that dreadful email and sent it out not forgetting to Cc my boss cause i was feeling pretty confident. 

Turns out i sounded like one of those Nigerian con men that try to get your information so that they steal all your money!At least that's what she told me. I sounded worse really. Not only did i manage to scare away the client but i also got a mail from senior management saying and i quote, " what is this?" 

Judging by how it all went down i can bet you she will not be asking me to do anything on my own anytime soon. This is going to be a loong day....

TABOO

I used to think that nothing was too taboo for me as i presume most of you think of themselves. So with my new found love for blogging i thought, "why not start a sex blog!" right? I could share a few tips and get new stuff from my readers, you know, help spice up my sex life and all that yardi yarda! well i can assure you it is not working out as smoothly as i expected.

I have been working on this one post for well, over a week now. Reason? Every time a person passes near me i fumble with my keyboard and mouse trying to change tabs. oh! not to mention the trouble am having finding the correct wording. Everything sounds so dirty....not that i mind dirty in fact i enjoy dirty but then most of my readers know me personally and that will be really awkward. what would they say, "hey Kate nice piece on the G-spot" then i would be like "thank you, look out for my next piece it'll be on *insert a dirty word of your choice*"

So maybe am not cut out for this kind of stuff, but i can still flirt and google 'sex tips' from other blogs so i guess its all good. But if and when i gather up enough courage a'l be sure to share it all over. For now its all too taboo. Oh, and about that dirty talk.....raze gets me!!

HOROSCOPES

My horoscope warned me against posting anything emotional on my blog this week! Apparently someone important is watching me closely....LOL, who comes up with these things? and more importantly why do they have so much effect on me. see i have quite a number of things i want to put straight but i cant bring myself to talk about them because of something i read on cosmos horoscopes section. And i thought i was modern!

Anyway, i will be updating you guys on my work progress and relationships as soon as the stars align themselves in my favor or whatever it is that happens in the galaxy to warrant such mystic prophesies.

xoxo
superstitious paranoid girl

Whaat if though!?

Facing my Demons

Today i really struggled getting out of bed. I clenched on to those covers like my life depended on it and honestly it kinda did. I had to face the HR Lady, and i just couldn't stop thinking about that colleague that stood me up on a ride yesterday.' Did he sneak out of the office to avoid me? or maybe he forgot!' Bottom line is, i was left hanging, embarrassed and with a big potato feeling in my throat. I just hope no one at the office remembers the incident.

So, Yesterday had some really bad mojo going on, hence working up some optimism about today required some real effort but i eventually got there. Of course i contemplated calling in sick but the hustle of having to get some proof to the HR office afterwards .....aaggrhh i would rather not.

 Its a New day and am feeling all fresh and ready for whatever life throws my way. Still trying to figure out this thing called Marketing and last as long as i can in this amazing organization. (that's some positive attitude right there)

Work Politics

I recently started out as an Intern in a certain Private company and honestly i couldn't be happier. Its always so hard to secure a spot in such organisations since you need someone to get you in so i kinda felt really proud of myself. But the amount of work politics that goes on in the private sector is proving to be a little bit overwhelming for me. I have a directors daughter out for my blood and she is sure to make me bleed.

So i have to tread with caution, since apparently my employment status solely depends on a phone call to Daddy. Knowing myself i am keeping my fingers crossed and really hoping i don't have an outburst!
I don't wanna give the pervs a nice squeeze.. :-)

PATIENCE

I have never been the patient type. When i want something i rush out to try and get it.I become a little obsessed with it and honestly if it takes a little too long to mature or rather develop i drop it and find a new addiction. May it be a new job, a relationship or even a business deal and honestly, it hasn't worked out so well for me.Being patient is a necessity to a life of achievement because it is the nature of things and the law of time that you cannot immediately reap where you have sown. So today i start a journey and this time am going to take it one step at a time and see how it goes. 

I found the following three steps from different sites on the internet and thought i would share them with you:


1. Try and Pinpoint the triggers that often influence you to lose your patience.

For example: When you are not doing anything! Impatience creeps in insidiously, and if you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy you may not even realize that the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience. To reduce the frequency of impatience, it helps to be aware of it.
Being aware of your impatience triggers also gives you a chance to uncover a relationship or circumstance that is simply not healthy or constructive, and that you may have the power to change.


2. Remind yourself that things take time. 

People who are impatient are people who insist on getting things done now and don't like to waste time. However, some things just can't be rushed.
Remind yourself of some of your happiest moments, chances are they were a result of patience that paid off.

3. Take a timeout.
When feeling overwhelmed, take a step back from confrontation and calmly explain why the timing is off for you, says Ross. That may mean you gently let a colleague know that you can’t talk about work right now or you’ll miss your train, or that you ask your partner to wait to discuss the mortgage renewal for the weekend when you’re feeling up to the talk.

The ability to tolerate delay without getting upset is a must-have quality that contributes to our greater sense of well-being.

Patience creates feelings of peace and calm, as opposed to the anger and frustration that often arises with impatience. And finding a way to be at ease mentally while waiting for something to happen can alienate us from most stress related illnesses.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

Carl Jung

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_patience.html#4rDvEmT7UDrsh6Gd.99

xoxo

kate